Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
