Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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