so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
