you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Can I color on your dick again?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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