I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
