You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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