I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
