and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
