Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
