how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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