if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Randomize
