This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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