It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
