oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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