mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
