Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
