Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
