On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
