What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
