she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
