youre lurking in front of me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My dick has a subreddit
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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