She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
