shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
