i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
