remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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