im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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