You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it's great music for shaving your balls
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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