my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
