And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize