never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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