whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
