Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
