I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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