I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
