I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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