i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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