I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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