You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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