I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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