this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
