just come out here and I will go home with you...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
