when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
