IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
