He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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