I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
