he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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