I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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