i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
This house was built for laser tag.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize