Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
