this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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