dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Boobs are out for the taking
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize