I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
