we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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