doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
