You really coming over, don't trick.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
