Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
