I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
