You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
