What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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