im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
