...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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