how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
