Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
not ubering you a puppy
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
