I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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