Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
