You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
