The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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