Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
