i need an iv and a liver transplant
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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