No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Please don't give away my fajitas
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
