My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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