You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
