I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
