I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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