i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's shark week go big or go home
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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