She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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