All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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