then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
