I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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