Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
