your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You were trust falling into bushes
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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