Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
