I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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