The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
