Sacagawea was the original milf.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
