Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
