I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
