His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
