I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
