guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
