that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
