Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
